Fourth Draft script deconstruction - General and Character Changes

General changes

The easiest differences to spot in the Fourth Draft script are the name changes: the movie takes place in fictional “Cauldron Point” rather than Astoria. “Hillside” is mentioned a number of times and may have existed as an actual opposing district to the Goon Docks; the Astoria Country Club, as a result, is known as the Hillside Country Club in this.

Gone are the references to the local area: no Cannon Beach and no explicit mention of Haystack Rock as a result. Clatsop County Jail and the Astoria Historical Museum aren’t even given a name in this.

Whether or not this was intentional, setting The Goonies in a real world setting of Astoria helped ground the movie, a concept I’ll be coming back to over the course of my dissertation. Having locations with real names, locations that exist in the space of the real world makes such a wild adventure seem feasible.

Fun fact: for whatever reason, whether a slip in script editing or a reference to the original setting, the location at the end of the film is referred to by a news reporter as “Cauldron Point”.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we’re at Cauldron Point, and what appears to be a… pirate ship…”

At first glance, the Fourth Draft script is… off-putting. While there are some sexual jokes in the final product - a number of Mouth’s jokes, the weird gag about Irene Walsh’s statue of David, the name “One-Eyed Willy” even - the script is far, far more sexualized. Of course, that’s not to say that movies of the time weren’t chock full of adolescents and bad sex jokes; films like Weird Science and Risky Business entirely hinged around a coming-of-age story that involved that sort of thing. The problem with the Fourth Draft script is that none of these jokes really have anything to say.

It’s low-hanging fruit, a quick jab for a quick laugh. As a result, Andy is a lot more forward with her… want for Brand (which inherently isn’t a bad thing, it’s still just kind of weird, because this was written by some dude in his late 20s).

There’s also an entire puzzle trap that was cut from the final movie that entirely hinged around this as the punchline (we’ll get more to this later):

The most explicit sexual inclusion, however, has to go to the Goonies Oath / Leech scene, which involves a scenario where the Goonies, at the bottom of the Moss Garden Wishing Well, have leeches latched onto them, something that is pointed out before Andy can finish reciting the Goonies Oath. Quick thinking, Data uses a car battery and some exposed wires to send an electrical current through the waters, which gives everyone, including the leeches, enough of a shock to knock the nasty things off and away.

This… well. It does this:

Andy’s not having any of it though, and the script specifically says “(but Andy feels violated by this)”, which is… it’s just too far. Data even wiggles his eyebrows, obviously knowing well what he’s just caused. If that isn’t skeevy, I don’t know what is.

What makes this worse is that, in the Souvenir Magazine, there is a short blurb about the Oath scene, along with a production still of Mikey and Andy reciting the pledge, with Stef and Data standing close by... If that was filmed, was the additional content included, or was that cut from the movie before then?

This scene haunts me.

The sexual content was just… a very odd choice and one I’m glad was edited down to what we have now.

An odd theory I have about this being cut down may tie into the movies that led to the creation of the PG-13 MPAA rating: Gremlins and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom… previously worked on by Columbus and Spielberg (the latter of which served as Executive Producer on Gremlins as well). As the Fourth Draft script is a “fourth draft”, previous drafts may have been written before the controversy began in earnest; changes, if not edited out after the film, may have been cut entirely from the movie to make it more “kid-friendly” and avoid the new PG-13 rating in order to maximize profits.

Of course, that’s just a theory. Donner himself mentioned the movie being a lot more raunchy in the DVD commentary track, and over the course of the running commentary, explained that scenes were changed and edited on the fly; in all likeliness, the change with the script and its connotations may have just been because of this. But who really knows?

Characters

The lovable characters of The Goonies don’t get off scot free from this edition of the movie, unfortunately, and fall to victim to some of the Fourth Draft script’s shortcomings.

Of course, some changes are to be expected. Appearances don’t entirely match with the actors and actresses who eventually played the characters, and some changes were made to costumes, possibly to match the characters up to their personalities better. Both Stef and Mouth previously had clothes that matched their upbringing far more, with them wearing work attire for fishing and plumbing, respectively. Data‘s case is odd, in that his planned Purple Rain shirt was given to Mouth; he also has this absolutely bitchin’ white cape in the Fourth Draft script that would have been really out of place in the final movie, but I love the mental image of him scurrying around, cape billowing in the wind as he pretends to be Agent 007.

Let’s start with Data then, I suppose. He more or less translates to the film untouched. Many lines involving him being rather snippy and quick-witted were cut, perhaps to make a clearer divide between him and Mouth, an equally snarky character.

In regard to his inventions, a number were removed from the movie. Early on, he attempts to use his “Glasses of Doom” against Mr. Perkins and his hoagies - Data’s initial design also saw him wearing glasses - which would essentially shoot off little suction cup darts at his enemies off the brim of his glasses. Of course, this fails and makes his glasses fly off his face and they stick against a window. As Data doesn’t wear glasses in the movie, we can assume this was cut early on.

Something that was cut that was filmed, however, were his “Spy Eyes”, a gadget that folded out a pair of binoculars from his belt. In an extended scene of the Goonies spying on the Lighthouse Lounge’s seedy inhabitants. This, of course, breaks, and he gets upset.

They did work for a moment, though.

Data’s Pinchers of Peril were featured heavily in the film, but they initially had a much different design. Instead of being tucked away in a jacket sleeve, they were instead behind his shirt and were meant to burst out of his chest, “very similar to the chest buster in ‘Alien’”. I think the change here was really just for logistics sake: considering the trick shots Data makes in the movie, aiming from his chest would be far more difficult than tossing it by his wrist.

Now, onto our mainest of characters: Mikey. In the Fourth Draft script, Mikey is… kind of a jerk, honestly. He doesn’t seem to respect his friends very much, something that goes against the final tone of the movie, especially with his passion for the mere idea of the Goonies and “Their Time” they share together.



One of the biggest changes made from the script to the final product involves the whole desexualization of the movie. Mikey’s introduction in the script calls attention to him being in “that AWKWARD stage of adolescence. His entire body is going through a CHANGE.” This causes him to fixate on Andy, creepily so. He spends a good chunk of the movie attempting to get close to her, to hold her hand, hoping for a kiss, wishing that maybe he could lure her away from Brand. This isn’t anything new, but tacking this onto how he already treats those who are supposed to be his friends, I argue that it really makes our main lead unlikable.

Some of this still ends up in the movie, such as Mikey offering to hold Andy’s hand before they arrive at the Moss Garden Wishing Well and the two specifically exploring the Inferno together. While the second one slots into the final cut better, the first is a little jarring, since there’s not really a reason given for him to offer holding her hand like that.

The other Walsh, Brand, has less changes made to him. Despite the fact that he is involved with Andy by the end of the movie, there’s less focus on his relationship with her (more the other way around, or more with her and Mikey).

A well-known piece of characterization left on the cutting room floor involves Brand and his claustrophobia, apparently caused by a day when he and his brother became trapped in an elevator. This comes up three times in the film: once before the Wishing Well (his panic attack being the reason Mikey offers to hold Andy’s hand), one while the boys are solving the “Copper Bones” puzzle trap, and one at the end, when the Goonies become trapped between the Inferno’s lagoon and freedom.

His phobia was cut from the film, but a number of promotional materials included reference to it, such as the “story cards” included in promotional packs of Hi-C.

The Hi-C story cards often don’t match the correct scene… and also gets information straight up wring (Ricky Roper instead of Richard Wang, calling Stef and Mouth exes)... but I digress.

Mouth was an interesting change. Initially a gangly, geeky kid with messy hair, he became the smarmy, cool, fashionable Goonie, through a quick wardrobe change and the casting of one of two Coreys (Haim and Feldman both tried out for the role, with the latter winning it in the end). Part of what makes The Goonies such an 80s movie may have had a lot to do with Mouth’s outfit: that Purple Rain shirt, the Members Only jacket, the parachute pants.

While he still retains the smug hamminess - perhaps too much ham, as he seems to make references and bad impersonations way more often than in the final cut, to the point that it’s honestly really annoying - he’s written to be kind of nervous. Lost in translation, the reason he begins to ramble off an extravagant order to Mama Fratelli in the Lighthouse Lounge is because he’s terrified of the situation he’s gotten himself into.

Chunk is also mostly untouched. His Jewishness is mentioned in the Fourth Draft script, but alongside some references to Christmas - whether this was meant to be interpreted as him being part Christian, part Jewish, or if it was a fluke by the scriptwriter’s fault, we’ll never really know.

In all honesty, one of two of the best lines in the script has to do with this:

The only other changes made to Chunk involve the smaller things: his favorite food brought to him at the end is hot dogs instead of Domino's Pizza (which is still mentioned as his favorite type of pizza in the script, oddly enough). In a cut line, he reveals that his parents attempted to join the Hillside/Astoria Country Club but were denied membership.

As mentioned prior, Andy is… a bit of a wild card. She’s a lot more feisty in general: with Brand, in reaction to everything ever, and so on. We already covered her weird sexualization by Mikey, so let’s skip that. One of the more funny things learned through the Fourth Draft script is that Andy was originally supposed to be rather religious, and practically half her vocal reactions in the movie are her praying to God outright.

I'm so sorry, I couldn't help myself.

This may have been changed as to avoid her from being a little too much of the “screaming damsel in distress” character. Even if she’s shown to be pretty tough herself (elbowing Troy offscreen, playing the horrific Bone Organ, slapping Data for Doing That Really Seedy Thing I Don’t Even Much Want To Describe), she’s also the one character tossed overboard by Mama Fratelli, the character who freaks out post-Plumbing scene and post-Copperpot discovery, the character who originally set off the falling boulders booby trap… it just wouldn’t have been a great look.

Perhaps Spielberg learned from his previous film, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, that female characters who scream a lot and are constantly flipping out aren’t great to write or watch. (Granted, I love that movie as a kid and thought that character was hilarious, but it’s come as a criticism against the movie so many times it’s worth pointing out.)

The only other thing I can think of in terms of cut from Andy’s character is her nickname for Brand: “Brandy”. Case in point, this rhymes too closely to her name and just sounds bad. Not much to say there.

Finally, we get to my personal favorite character: Stef. Unfortunately, Stef seems to have gotten the… shit end of the stick. There’s no nice way to put it. And the sad thing is, she is underutilized in the film, yes, but I would much rather her go by as the Lesser Goonie than having to watch the trainwreck of what this could have been.

It’s almost as if Columbus treated her as the punching bag of the Goonies, the “Meg” of the group, if you will. It’s hard to discuss this without getting into the individual scenes, but she’s the one forced to pick up Chester Copperpot’s wallet instead of Mikey, she’s the one who has to solve the “Funnybone” puzzle trap, she’s the one attacked by the octopus. She’s affected by the Stupid Leech Thing, she tries to calm Brand down by shoving his head under her shirt and then Andy gets mad at her which is a little out of character, she’s given entirely the worst moments in the movie to shine.

The one moment that I wish had been in the final movie was this line while they’re solving the Bone Organ puzzle:

Stef, you deserve better. (Also I am 99% certain the “Data” is a mistype.)

There’s a number of other characters in the movie but they’re practically the same as what we got. The Fratellis are, oddly, untouched. Troy Perkins, asshole richboy, shows up a few more times in the script, mostly just to concrete how much of a jerk he is, but also to make a joke out of his character. Not that they don’t do it in the final product, the plumbing scene pretty much entirely humiliates him, but it’s a lot more overt in the Fourth Draft script.

Other characters are included that were cut from the final, but mentioned in sources such as the Official Souvenir Magazine. These include Sylvia Keester, the owner of the corner Stop N’ Snack, who actually officially appears in the background of the Fratellis car chase; some character named Bert (or Bill?) who I unfortunately cannot figure out who this is for the life of me - I think he may be one of Mr. Perkins’ cohorts?; and… Simon and Simone Simian who…

Well, I suppose there’s no use in ignoring it any longer.